New beginings...

So starting over once again has been hard! I am farther away from the people I love than I have ever been before. I miss my mommy and my family and my friends! It's hard for me to go out and make new friends when the friends I already have are so amazing!! So I guess you could say I have kind of high standards when it comes to a person I'm going to spend time with! =)

But this is good for me. This is good for my son. I just wasn't making it in Gaylord anymore. I wasn't happy and I was struggling to get my bills paid and have any sort of money left over. I was not going anywhere with my life and I hated it. I was barely living from paycheck to paycheck. That's not the life I want to live. This is what I had to do for myself and my son! I have been told it was selfish for me to move but really I thought about my son first. My son deserves better than that. How was I supposed to make him happy if I was not happy? How was I supposed to provide for him when I could barely pay my bills? And yes I moved here to be near Joey, but my son loves Joey. I just hate being accused of doing anything that does not benefit my son.

When Joey moved to Chicago we decided it would be best for me to stay in Gaylord because I had a job and a house of my own. Originally Joey was going to come home every weekend and visit. We had it all planned out. But the plans changed. Joey couldn't afford to drive home every single weekend so that turned into every 3 weeks... This was hard for me. Joey was gone and I was left with more bills than I could handle with the income I was bringing in. I couldn't afford my rent. I moved in with Joey's mom. I still could not deal with it. The stress from being away from Joey was really getting to me. I was miserable. So Joey and I made a decision. We decided it would be best for me to come down here where we could worry about supporting just one household instead of 2. And Joey is going to be starting his International training soon which means that he has to either quit his job or cut his hours so he has more study time. He would've been in the same boat I was in. So I moved here. I am with my love and I am happy. Josh is happy to be back with Joey too.

And Joey is good for Josh. He gives him that strong male influence that he needs. My son is very trying. My mom says he reminds her of my brother Johnny as a child... Those of you who knew Johnny as a kid know how difficult he was! lol Josh is very difficult too. He's really hyper and likes things to be his way. He's extremely stubborn and he wants to be the center of attention. He tries my patience on a daily basis. He needs someone to be tough on him, which I am horrible at! lol But even though Joey is more of the disciplinarian than I am Joshua still loves him. A while back he started calling him daddy. At first we didn't encourage it. We wouldn't tell him that Joey wasn't his daddy but we wouldn't say that he was either. Josh was persistent in calling Joey daddy and Joey was fine with it, as am I. So now Josh calls Joey daddy and it's because he is like a daddy to him. He still knows who his real daddy is but he doesn't look at it like that. He tells everyone, "I have 2 daddies!" lol

But anyway I'm rambling on and on about nonsense lol. The point is I miss home and I miss my friends and family, but I'm happy to be here with the man I love and this is good for Josh and I. =)